You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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