I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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