you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
