party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
