Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
