i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
