Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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