well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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