Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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