I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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