my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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