i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
