I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
