exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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