Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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