but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
