Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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