i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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