The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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