your thong is hanging out like whoa
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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