So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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