ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
