and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
