Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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