Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I want to make a zoo with you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
