Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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