Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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