Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
