are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i out mim tonsoeep
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