Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
