I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
