all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
