I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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