i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
