if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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