Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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