I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
