I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
