If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think I won the penis lottery.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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