You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
