she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
