Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Pants are for mortals
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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