I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
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Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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