fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
