my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We're too hungover to prance.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
