Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
