I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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