sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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