i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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