are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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