It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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