The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
