I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
