WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
