All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
