All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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