Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize