Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
