Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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