How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
