his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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