if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize