I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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