think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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