great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
