Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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