Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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