Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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