she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
