As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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