she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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